Denial. I suppose we all practice it here and again. Sometimes it’s more costly than others.

Not surprisingly there are denials assessments and self-help books on dealing with denial. For more serious cases, counseling is even necessary.

But what if there was like a get-out-of-jail free card for cases of denial (I don’t mean like drugs and shit).

Like denial insurance: just the right kind of insurance for when your denial starts to take a nasty turn.

Like when you are denial about ocean levels rising and your beach house keeps getting flooded out. You’re covered.

Or like when your waist is slowly expanding and you still believe it’s a 32 when it’s actually now 36 and you have to replace your entire wardrobe. Denial insurance covers new wardrobe or spot on the Biggest Loser.

When you’re in denial that you’re girlfriend dumped you and you are stalking her and she gets a restraining order. Need a lawyer to straighten out the “misunderstanding?” You’re covered.

Or you’re in denial about losing your job right before going on an expensive vacation. No worries. Just go. Denial insurance will cover it.

I scoured my brain for some way to justify the idea of healthy denial. Maybe denial is OK sometimes like when you go into shock because your body can’t handle the trauma and it does it to save you from something you can’t handle at the moment (you ever notice when you try to rationalize something your sentences get all run-ony).

Situational denial. You know, just for a little while until I come to grips with this or I cool down. But once you get in how do you get out? It’s like stepping into a vortex and losing perspective and objectivity.

You need a way back out. Like a hook back to non-denial world. So before you jump into your situation denial you put a sticky note on your fridge that says “Hey remember, you’re in denial about your girlfriend dumping you. You need to leave denial land by six Sunday evening so you can get ready for work tomorrow.” Then you send a text to yourself that is delivered at six on Sunday that says “Your girlfriend dumped you Friday.”

Badda bing. You’re back to reality.