Dealing in currency is rough business. Bitcoin, the darling of electronic currency, has taken some hits recently over money laundering accusations and glitches in its transaction software. A favorite among black markets and drug dealers, Bitcoin attracts a tough crowd.
So I was thinking if Bitcoin is electronic currency that is struggling, maybe they didn’t have the right structure. The currency needed to be backed by something, kind of like the old gold standard. It needed to create a feeling of stability, of tangibility.
So I’m going to start a new electronic currency: BitterCoin. It will be backed by bitterness. Now that’s something that can reach out and touch you and you can touch it back.
To begin with there will be no BitterCoins. You will have to go to the BitterCoin administrators and demonstrate appropriate bitterness. A panel will decide on the quality of your bitterness and award you the appropriate number of BitterCoins, kind of like the Fed printing money. The essence of your bitterness will be attached forever to those BitterCoins.
And so BitterCoins will come into existence. Merchants will be able to sign up to accept BitterCoins as payment. The merchant will receive the BitterCoins along with the bitterness that created them, thus passing onto them the bitter value that created those BitterCoins. By accepting the bitterness you accept their value.
And bitter stock exchanges will be created where the relative value of a Bittercoin will be established by the public’s ongoing assessment of the bitter sentiment attached to it. And so Bittercoins will fluctuate in value as the public’s mood shifts about. Bitterness commodities and futures will emerge. Educational systems will evolve to improve the quality of bitterness and thus the manufacture of new Bittercoins.
There will be bitter specialists and certifications for the bitterly gifted. Losses in the BitterCoin market will only spur more bitterness creating a perpetual motion machine of BitterCoin generation.
Let the Bitterness Begin.