No Sneezing Matter


I sneeze hard. Very hard. I make sure to take a deep breath and then exhale all the air out explosively. It’s always jarring. Sometimes I jump. I have no idea why I take such a deep breath. It seems counter productive. But alas, I take a deep breath.

So when it’s really jarring, I swear, especially if I sneeze more than once. I say a bad thing. As if some outside force is to blame. As if I am swearing at my arch nemesis. “Damn you, Khan!”

My friend Linda told me once that there was a study that indicated that people who dramatically sneezed were just looking for attention.

These people who did this study are obviously not dramatic sneezers. Dramatically sneezing once is bearable. But dramatically sneeze a few times in a row and you will curse just like I do.


This doesn’t even take into account those times when I have had back or rib injuries. Dramatically sneezing at those times requires excessive cursing. Think your bad ribs hurt when you laugh? Try an explosive sneeze. No amount of pain killers will keep you off the ground.

Today I have a cold. I foresee lots of swearing. I need to take the opportunity to practice some more creative swearing. I hate to be too predictable, even if no one is around. And studies have shown that swearing can help reduce pain. (

I wonder if creative swearing is better at reducing pain? The degree of difficulty may add to the pain relieving effects. Now this is an experiment worth pursuing.

About joegergen

To evoke a smile. That's all. Author of "Methane Wars: A Fable" and "Lear's Fool" as well as various poems and some these painting things as well.
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