Itching My Need for Calm

calm1My eyes itch. They really itch. Which is weird because I’m not holding anything sharp and haven’t just chopped up a bunch of hot peppers, both of which tend to induce the irrational need to rub one’s eyes.

My eyes are so itchy I can barely keep them open to write this (which I am sure I’ll use as an excuse for all the typos). My hypersensitivity to physical sensations doesn’t help. I notice the tiniest things. I’m like the Princess and the Pea. The tiniest irregularity is noticed. From the most subtle misalignment of a sock to ants crawling all over my body. No wait, the ants thing isn’t really that subtle and must admit doesn’t happen too often but if it did I would super notice.

Maybe that’s why I get vertigo sometimes. Oversensitive and overwhelmed by visual sensations. I get vertigo when I’m driving, which if course means now no one will ever let me drive again. But seriously, I have never been in an accident. I usually get vertigo when I’m driving on those big sky roads where the parallel lines merge together or when the road is lined by trees. Maybe it’s a tunnel thing which leads to a claustrophobia and my brains inability to reconcile the conflicting notion of a wide open space feeling like an enclosed space. Does not compute.

So maybe all my troubles come down to hypersensitivity. The root cause. I don’t have vertigo. I don’t have claustrophobia. I don’t have allergies. Those are just symptoms. I have hypersensitivity. Well, great. What does one do about that?

I suppose you can dull the senses. We’re pretty sure there are drugs out there that do that. The problem with the drug solution is that it dulls everything, not discriminatory. I don’t think I want to be dulled that way.

I think maybe a better way is to apply calmness. Not relaxation, but calmness. Stillness in the face of the cacophony of life.

I think my calmness will come through meditation. Stilling the waters. My own calm within the storm. If I can’t be less sensitive perhaps I can at least be more controlled.

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About joegergen

To evoke a smile. That's all. Author of "Methane Wars: A Fable" and "Lear's Fool" as well as various poems and some these painting things as well.
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