I’m pretty sure I don’t often notice packaging failures. But this morning when I went to grab the tooth paste and grabbed the hand lotion instead, I realized I had encountered a packaging failure.

What was this packaging failure, you ask? Simply that the hand lotion was packaged in a tooth paste shaped tube. With the label down I was unable (and yes, too lazy) to confirm that it was tooth paste. Not to worry, I did not brush my teeth with hand lotion.

But what if I had? In fact what if in the future I do it intentionally? Intentionally? Yes. Because the future is nanobots.

Nanobots in the tooth paste to do better whitening. Nanobots in the hand cream to perform better moisturizing. Nanobots in the shampoo to achieve better conditioning. Nanobots everywhere.

Imagine a universal paste filled with nanobots. If you put the paste in your mouth, the nanobots know they are in your mouth and initiate teeth cleaning processes. If you put the paste on your hands, the nanobots know they are your hands and perform moisturizing processes. If you put the paste in your hair, the nanobots know they are in your hair and perform conditioning routines. The non-essential ingredients are left inert based on the context.

UniPaste. (as opposed to UniCream, which would definitely be a marketing failure). One paste to rule them all.

In fact, maybe we fill the UniPaste with nutrients so you can eat it. The nanobots converting the paste to the appropriate nutrient strings based on your body chemistry for maximum absorption and efficiency. Or maybe I just smear it all over myself and the nutrients absorb through my skin. You won’t even have to bother eating anymore.

Life would be so simple. At the grocery store I would just need to buy 20 tubes of UniPaste a week. Oh, the heck with going to the grocery store. The government would know all I need is UniPaste and deliver a gallon a week to my house. Government issued UniPaste, a step up from government surplus cheese for sure.

Next up, Soylent Cream.