I’ve always had a thirst for knowledge. Not factual type knowledge. More of that knowing kind of knowledge. Kind of that philosophy knowledge but not so deep and esoteric, maybe more practical.

That understanding of the human condition. Perhaps my thirst has been less about acquiring knowledge and more about the ability to apply it once acquired. To have it be helpful. The tricky part appears to swirl around being observant enough to know you should apply it.

I’ve always wanted to be much more observant. That Sherlock Holmes kind of observant. But I’m not. No amount of deductive ability will save bad observations. Maybe it’s because I’m not all that actively curious. I’ve always wanted to be more curious too. I have failed to be curiouser and curiouser.

I’ve always had to be curious and observant after the fact. Relying on my I am sure faulty memory to piece together observations and conclusions. More reflective than observant and curious, I fear.

I am actually highly sensitive to the world around me. I know, that would seem to be in conflict with lack of observational skills. But I think they can coexist. You see, what I think is happening is that I take in all this data and if I take the data in for too long my brain does one of two things: it becomes overwhelmed and essentially shuts down or it focuses in on something more myopic and shuts other input off. Granted, whatever is focused in on can yield rich amounts of data. It’s just so limited.

This is where memory comes into play in hopes of turning the aforementioned reflection into effective delayed observation and curiosity.

In order for it to work I need to be able to do two things. I need to train my brain to have much better recall and need to train my brain not to shut down when it feels overwhelmed so all the data keeps flowing in.

Perhaps something akin to Sherlock’s mind palace. In order to do that I need the data to flow in. It can’t be reflexively choked down. I’m afraid if I allow all the data to flow in without shutting down, I’d have to stop other processes. Not like bodily functions but maybe like communication or interaction. But then I’d be just like a video camera. That wouldn’t be all that enjoyable.

Hmm. I guess I could just carry a video camera with me and record things. Ah, but there is so much more to stimuli than visual cues. Smells and noises and vibes. Subtle things.

I need to go back to the drawing board. But I think I’m onto something here. Curiouser and curiouser. What was the question again?