Have you ever noticed just how many utensils there are in the world? Hundreds of billions of forks and spoons and table knives.

I have enough utensils for five families. People just kept giving it to me. I certainly don’t want it all. It sucks that I’m too lazy to sort it out and find new homes for it.

But who would take it? Everyone has too many utensils. Ever been to a thrift store? One thrift store has enough forks for every household within a ten block radius. And what about flea markets and estate sales and retail stores. They’re like zucchini. I’m surprised people haven’t started placing bags of spoons outside my door when I’m not home.

And people keep buying more. And companies keep making more. It’s not like they bloody wear out. Sure sometimes they break and Johnny sometimes ruins one in the sandbox. But seriously.

Just stop. Stop buying more utensils. The world does not need more utensils. If you need utensils, ask your neighbor, go to the thrift store. Do not buy any more table knives.

In fact, you should just cut down on using utensils altogether. If it’s too messy to eat with your fingers you probably shouldn’t eat it any way. What about soup? Just drink the shit. Eating a steak. Pick it up and take a bite. Why do you think we have incisors?

What about table manners? Screw table manners. Table manners were invented by people to distinguish themselves from others. To allow them to look down upon those who don’t know the “rules.” Who decided we need rules to eat? I don’t need any damn rules to eat. If I don’t need rules, I don’t need utensils either.

And neither do you. Save the planet. Use your fingers.