The Great Belt Burning of 2014

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I was in a mall today. This is usually significant because I rarely go to malls and the whole shopping experience just exhausts me. Today was different because I went to a mall to go to a movie and so there was no annoying anxiety over that whole shopping thing.

I arrived early and so was using the time to walk around away from the cold. It started out pleasant and comforting to not walk like a penguin on the ice or hunching my shoulders from the cold.

Then I started to walk by the carts lining the middle of the concourse. Carts selling calendars and phones and prints and all manner of product. I was dealing with the visual cacophony fairly well. But then I came across the belt cart. A staggering array of pastel and primary colored belts. Hundreds, maybe even a thousand belts surrounding and billowing from this cart.

I don’t know if they were fashionable. I don’t know if they were quality. I just know there were lots of them. It seemed like enough for every tenth person in the town to be able to own one. It reminded me of the booths at state fairs lining the midway filled with stuffed animals. An endless pool of stuffed animals. Though to be far you had to earn the stuffed animals whereas you could just buy the belts.

Then my mind began to spin and my ability to contemplate the need for so many brightly colored belts suffered a system failure. I could not process it.

What if I just put a match to all these belts? Would anyone really miss them? What if I put a match to all the carts? (Don’t worry, I would make sure no one was hurt in the burning of these carts.)

I know it seems rather radical and I must admit I have may have a bias against belts because I refuse to wear one that may be fueling this desire. But it’s really not a hatred of belts.

It’s about asking when does one really have enough? How much stuff does one need? And why does one need so much stuff?

It’s as if we confuse acquiring of stuff with living, with meaning. We’ve created a habit loop of Buy-Reward. I understand the need for reward, for positive energy for the brain, for the psyche. But is this really the one you want?

It takes money, which of course is not an issue for some but can be a burden for others. Though of course not spending money doesn’t solve anything just as spending it doesn’t cause all evils. But it’s not really about money anyway.

It’s about time and emotional energy. You have to manage all this stuff, and store it and worry about it. Think about that burden. The total emotional cost of ownership is out of whack, that brief reward from the purchase is quickly negated and chewed up over the course of managing an item, storing it, moving it, cleaning it, thinking about it. Multiply that times all the items you have acquired. That’s a lot of burden.

I know, I know. Some of you need belts. But how many belts do you need? Really. Free your minds form the burdens of ownership by changing your habit-reward system. Don’t be the belt.

Cinch that belt up. Take inventory of your stuff. Reduce. Be unburdened.

 

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A Time To Innovate, A Time to Not

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Urban Gorilla Program. That’s what I thought the headline read at the Como Zoo web site. How my brain managed to add the “Urban” part I don’t know. But the damage was done and could not be undone.

My first thought was that’s a really bad idea. And I think I’ll stick to that, but I got to wondering how such an idea could come to fruition.

Jurassic Park. That’s the debacle that came to mind. A fictional example as far as I know. It had good intentions though.

I can see the Urban Gorilla Program as a scaled down version of Jurassic Park. Taking the zoo experience to the people. A zoo without cages and fences. Zoos without boundaries.

There are lots of trees near the zoo. And lakes. Seems like a good habitat for the gorillas. I mean, they’re herbivores after all.

But ya know, gorillas are big, strong wild animals. Might be a problem if they get taunted or annoyed by a Darwin-award seeking human.

Maybe we need to tweak the Urban Gorilla idea a little bit. Instead of free range gorillas we could have substations or localized sub-zoos spread around the city. Just cage off a block or two of city park and get a simulated free range environment. Start with gorillas and branch out. Maybe some flightless birds. Penguins might be good.

Or we could go with the Urban Gorilla/Hipster Program, where we swap them out. Put the gorillas in the hipster environment and the hipsters in the gorilla environment.

Or we could get even more innovative and go with an Urban Guerilla Program. We would import some foreign rebels and let them use the zoo as a base of operations. Think of what we could learn from them. We could tag them, provide them with unnecessarily dangerous weapons and see how the local police handle it. Good training grounds for our officers.

So you see. Innovation can be good. You just need to make sure not to step over that line.

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A Lighter Side of Communism

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It’s a four letter word. Communism, that is.

I find it humorous people still throw it around as an insult as if the Red Scare were still going on. I guess maybe for some people it still is, though sometimes I think it is more about the scare than the red. I suppose fear based behaviors will always be with us.

I like the lighter side of communism myself. Quite a few years ago I went to breakfast with some people, including my brother, my good friend Dale, Marky Mark the bar owner and Dale’s friend Brian.

The conversation veered all over the place: politics, the economy, family and God knows what else. With this group you never know where it will go. Dale and Brian have no boundaries and like to whip things up. One is pretty right and the other is pretty left.

After we left the restaurant my brother turned to me and said, “Where did Dale dig up this Communist Brian guy? What a group. We have the conservative (Dale), the capitalist (the bar owner) and the communist. Geez.”

A couple days later my brother tells the story to my other brother. He’s like “you should have met this uber-lefty Communist Brian. What a freak show.” Brian was now Communist Brian.

A couple weeks later we had a martini party. Nothing too fancy but lots of fun and goofy martinis. Some people dressed up swinging cocktail style. Brian however came in full camo khakis.

The party is in full swing and my second brother shows up. He runs into camo-dressed Brian. Looks at him for a second and says, “You MUST be Communist Brian.”

‘WHAT? Who said that? Dale!” and Brian stormed off in search of Dale. Now Brian was officially Communist Brian. There was no going back.

I’m glad he is Communist Brian, both in name and action. We need people like Brian and we need communists. We need people who will buck the system. We need people who will not be cowed by towering entities who would like you to just go away, entities who think dissent is an evil.

Well, if Dissent is evil, then I am evil and all the more happy to be so. Cheers to Communist Brian.

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One Lamp to Rule Them All

saurondone1b

What possessed you to make an Eye of Sauron lamp?

That was a question someone asked when I showed them the finished product. I loved that question. Partially because it had no detectable mockery of my nerdery, but mostly because it involved the word “possessed,” which I immediately felt had the right connotation.

My initial response to the question was “Because it’s awesome.” But that really didn’t answer the question now did it. And so seriously, what possessed you to make that? What took hold of you? What possessed you?

Isn’t that question basically at the heart of trying to understand the creative process? An attempt that has been repeatedly made through the annals of time. Discussed in coffee shops and bars and opium dens the world over. I am sure there are countless studies on the creative process. There are thousands of books out there instructing you on how to be more creative.

I am sure there is some universal concept of how creativity works. I am sure I don’t have a clue what it is. I’ve always found that we are all shaped by so many factors and experiences that how we approach the creative process is a difficult thing to ask someone to try and emulate it. There are certainly lots of tools in the creative tool box that are useful. I have no idea which one will work for you. I guess you’ll just have to try them out.

So back to the question? What possessed me? Well, I suppose at a simple level (and I like to keep things simple) I suppose I was possessed by a vision or an idea. Now I’m a fairly abstract person so the vision lacked definition or specificity, but it was there inside. We all have visions. We all have ideas.

An idea possessed me. It took root. But it wasn’t the idea or the possessing that made the lamp come to life.

It was audacity that did that. The audacity to just do it. You know what’s great about audacity? Audacity likes to kick the crap out of fear. Likes to push fear out of the way.

And why don’t we do so many things in life? Out of fear. Fear’s a big, clueless jerk. Fear’s good for escaping saber tooth tiger attacks. Not so good for taking life head on. You have to teach fear the difference.

At the end of the day then it’s not being possessed by some mystical creative process that makes visions come to life, but it’s about being possessed by audacity.

May your life be filled with the light of audacity.

saurondone3b

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A Little Cheesecake to Warm the Soul

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It’s cold. No question about that. When it’s cold you try to find anyway to stay warm.

Curl up in bed under the electric blanket. Sit in the sauna. Work out. Go south.

Or you can try cheesecake. yes, cheesecake. But not just any cheesecake. Ghost pepper cheesecake.

My brother made Ghost Pepper cheesecake the other day. Now that is something that could warm you up. A little spicy food to get the metabolism going. This sounds like it could work.

But ghost peppers are like serious hot, way out of my heat tolerance range.

“It’s not that bad,” my brother says. “All the cream keeps it cool.”

OK, I can do this. Get a little warmth in me, like drinking a peppermint schnapps.  It’s just a thin slice. I grab a fork and take a small bite. Not too bad. I can handle this.

Mmm.  Sweet. Creamy. ACK! What the hell is that? Tastes like burning. AHHH! My throat!

Not that bad. Who’s he kidding? I’m gagging and choking.

Fortunately there is a bowl of whipped cream out for the pumpkin pie. Spoon in a few scoops. Spoon in a few more scoops. Couple more. OK, now I’m better.

Who could’ve thought this was a good idea? It was evil. To begin with cool, creamy refreshing delight that turns to pain. That’s just a cruel prank.

Well, that went horribly awry. And now I have cheesecake phobia. My brother made another cheese cake a few days later. He assured me it wasn’t a ghost pepper cheese cake. I didn’t trust him. I took the smallest of bites. Whew. It was OK. But the seeds of doubt have now taken root.

Maybe I should stick with hot soup to warm the soul.

Stay warm. And beware the cheesecake bearing gifts of heat.

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In Search of Gritty Cuisine

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Coal-fired oven. For me this notion conjures up visions of industrial era London caked in soot. And the Black Sheep, pizza shop that uses coal-fired ovens, had that promise of olden days written all over it.

When we got the pizza at the Black Sheep I expected there to be smudges and ashes of coal on the crust, maybe like when you cook on a charcoal grill or wood fire. A little something to remind you where it’s been. But the pizza was pretty clean.

That’s because, I believe, unlike wood fired stoves the coal does into come into contact with the cooking chamber. Probably a good thing, I guess.

When you go out to eat nowadays everything is so pristine. Everything is so well laid out and distinct. Sometimes the food comes on oversized plates where the food is arranged like a flower arrangement, with drizzles and dollops. Lots of clean lines. Almost minimalistic at times. It’s all very pretty and very tasty.

Sometimes, though, you want something a little more gritty. More rustic. I don’t mean something sloppy or ill-prepared. I mean intentionally gritty. Like Charles Bukowski poetry on a plate. It’s art but it’s not pretty.

Maybe it’s like my version of the Paleo diet. I’m not even sure what is all acceptable on the Paleo diet but my definition is like this: You can eat whatever you want but no utensils. No forks, knives, spoons or chopsticks.

The Utensil Free Diet. Put those fingers and opposable thumbs to work. Eat like a human not a societal construct. All those arbitrary rules around forks and knives and spoons were all created simply as a way for one class to distinguish itself from another anyway. Throw those out the door. Bring eating equality back in.

Dig in. Become one with your food. Add the tactile experience to the taste and smell and look of the food.

You don’t even need a plate. Serve it right on the nice table. Just need a good hearty napkin. So you’ve made a mess. Just bring out the Zamboni rag and wipe it off. Bam. Next.

You can have a cup, I guess. Though it would be better if everyone shared a universal mug or drink the wine right out of the bottle.

And how back to nature and green is that. Good for you, good for the cook, good for everyone.

For all you creative chefs out there, this is the your challenge.

 

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In Memory of Hibernations Past

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It’s been a cold winter. No doubt about that. You acclimate or you hibernate.

There are pros and cons to both I supose. Hibernation allows you to recharge your batteries. Acclimation allows you to not be cowed by the elements. I’m not a super out-doorsy type so I try to blend the two in hopes of staying sane.

But it’s a real struggle to not totally give in to the hibernation. You see, hibernation and I have history.

You see when I was five I made a fateful decision. I didn’t know it was fateful and I don’t remember why I made it.  Perhaps I recalled the crappy gloves and boots and the frozen hands and feet from the year before. Or the awful, ear-piercing crunch of snow at fifteen below. I don’t know. History became legend and legend became myth.

The myth was a vow I made to not go outside while there was snow on the ground. This is not a light-hearted vow when you live in northern North Dakota and the snow can stay for five months at a time.

I remember looking out the window at the snow in the backyard wearing pajamas that I refused to take off. If I had known what a curse was I am sure I would have uttered it at the snow.

I remember Christmas that year. We would always go to my Aunt’s house. My Dad had to carry me to the car so my feet would not touch the snow. I am sure my parents loved that.

I wonder what fun in the snow I missed during my self-inflicted hibernation. And what a nightmare for my Mother to deal with a bottled-up hyper five year old and six other children.

So now with repeated sub-zero days I remember my year of hibernation. I confess that it calls to me. Warm the house up and look out the window with a cup of hot chocolate.

But I know it is a romanticized myth. I need to keep active. I need to fend off cabin fever. I need to acclimate. Even if I have to overdress, I will go out into the elements. As real out-doorsy types know there is an exhilaration from braving and surviving the elements. Fortunately, I can get that sense of exhilaration in about ten minutes or until my hands are cold. Cold hands take me back immediately to the year of hibernation.

So we juggle. Sometimes we juggle well. Sometime not so well.

This year I vow to acclimate. If a five year old can stick to a vow, so can I.

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When the Hobbit is No Longer the Hobbit

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I once watched the Russian TV version of Sherlock Holmes. It was a series like the BBC has done. I must say it was pretty good.

So when I ran across the Russian language version of the Hobbit I was curious. Made in 1985, long before the CGI revolution came to Russia, the production values were low compared to American standards. But for me the question is not whether it was done with lots of money but whether it was done well.

I never got a chance to find out. The language is of course Russian. So it requires subtitles. Now this is apparently not the officially released version with English subtitles, if indeed an official version even exists.

Someone had taken the liberty of providing English subtitles. It doesn’t take long to see that they have clearly taken a few liberties with the dialog. And after a few “pimps” and “bitches” you realize they have taken not a few liberties but all of them.

And it was funny. Coarse and crude and juvenile at times. But funny. Almost as if Black Adder himself had written the subtitles. Though for some enjoyment may be enhanced with a little pipeweed or Ent draught.

So something that was meant to be, I assume,  a genuine portrayal of the Hobbit has become something entirely different. Entirely out of the original creator’s control, who might even feel his work is being mocked.

Loss of control. An ongoing concern for so many artists and creators. The fear that once they release their work of love to the public it will be misinterpreted, misunderstood or misused.

Loss of control. The harsh reality that what you mean to communicate and what people take away are often very different. Unless you are a hipster and think that being misunderstood is some romantic struggle for the artist. It is not. It sucks to be misunderstood.

What’s romantic in hindsight, though, might be that the even though artists may feel misunderstood they do not stop trying to communicate. Which I suppose should be true no matter what your endeavor.

So don’t let that fear stop you from chasing your dreams. We all lose control when we let it out into the world. That’s what makes it so intriguing.

So in case you are curious here is link to the Russian Hobbit

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A Minimalist Among Us

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I have never liked getting gifts. It all started with the seemingly benign birthday party. Extremely introverted and shy, the thought of people staring at me as I opened a present was horrifying.  I would go through the motions and run away as soon as the torture was over.

We were poor enough when I was a kid so one might  think I just got used to not having much. But I certainly remember making a wish list of toys at Christmas. So up until some point I still wanted things.

I remember getting a wrist watch for one birthday. I also remember losing it a couple days later. I remember that I didn’t like that feeling. Now, I’m a fairly sensitive person and maybe I felt much worse than I really should have, but I did feel bad and I still remember so perhaps it had a much more significant effect than I ever thought.

I guess I didn’t like the idea of feeling bad about the loss of an inanimate object. Things would be lost and things would break. Caring too much about them seemed a bad investment.

The more recent gift aversion comes from an anti-consumption attitude, the attitude that there is really already enough crap in the world. If you’ve ever gone estate saling, you’ll know that you find houses filled with the most amazing array of objects. The same with antique stores and flea markets and garage sales. The amount of stuff piling up from yesteryear is staggering.

Then you walk into Walmart and you see the most amazing array of objects, tomorrow’s estate sale and flea market fodder. The avalanche of collected crap chasing us through history is staggering. One day our lives will be smothered by such accumulation.

But gifts aren’t bad. Gifts are usually outward signs of affection. I don’t want to rain on that parade. I’m a minimalist, not the Grinch.

So when I give a gift I make sure it’s a consumable. And almost always it’s food as opposed to other consumable like toilet paper and paper towels, though those might be good gifts for the right person. If I had my way I would just give everyone nummy chocolate. But being the good gift-giver I am I tailor it to the person. I might even give the right person a fruit cake.

Do I still accept presents? Surely. Refusing a gift insults the giver. So if you’re asking, I like dark chocolate.

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Next Generation: Where the Message and the Medium Become One

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One generation spends a fortune on medication and counseling to combat attention deficit disorder.

The next generation spends a fortune on technology to enhance the condition.

Perhaps it was inevitable in a world obsessed by multitasking. In a world that believes multitasking is a positive, desired activity (I am clearly not one of those people).

One would be fool hardy to try to predict evolutionary trends into the future. When the brilliant people who developed cell phones looked into the future of their invention did they see sexting and selfies as the predominant function. I like to think they did not.

We have gone from e-mailing. Hey, I don’t even have to call you. To texting. Hey, you don’t even have to be on your computer. To Twitter. Keep it short. To Snapchat. Better not use words at all. To technologies I am too Stone Age to even know about since as you see I’ve violated all laws of next generation communication in this one post.

Shorter, faster, briefer. Go, go, go.

Next time you are watching television. Pay attention to the commercials. They are usually better than the real TV anyway. What I need you to do is count. When the commercial starts count 1, 2, 3 and so on. Start the counting over every time the visual changes. 1, 2. 1, 2. How often do you get past 2? Not very often.

We are already being trained to change focus faster, faster, faster. I am surprised these commercials don’t have disclaimers for epileptics since the effect of the scene changing is almost strobe like.

What I am saying is that if your taking meds for your ADD, you need to stop. The world wants you to jump all over the place. You may otherwise be left behind in this rapid fire multitasking reality. The message is in the medium. And the medium is fast and unforgiving.

I guess it must be a good thing. No one seems to question it. My motto has always been if a little is good then more, better, sooner.

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