Musings on Abandonment

Posted on July 4, 2014 by joegergen

abandonYou said it wasn’t abandonment
(You just knew I had went)
You said the freeways have more exits
(Oh, are you still perplexed)

I said honey, please
(Honey’s just for bees)

Don’t abandon me
(You’re already history)
Don’t abandon me
(Oh, you stole my sanity)
Don’t abandon me
I got the abandonment blues

You said it was the futility
(Oh, I should have said misery)
My nights in Brooklyn are darker now
(Oh, I can’t see why or how)

I said honey, please
(Honey’s just for bees)

Don’t abandon me
(You’re already history)
Don’t abandon me
(Oh, you stole my sanity)
Don’t abandon me
I got the abandonment blues

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Musings on Licks

Posted on July 1, 2014 by joegergen

mitziNo honey, don’t lick the epoxy.
I know it’s sticky.
I know it smells sweet.
Would be the last treat
For you and me.
I know, you would lick it for me.
I know, you would.

Please honey, don’t lick the wood.
Oak and glue are really not good
For you or for me.
I know you would lick it for me.
I know, you would.

Yes sweetie, you can lick my nose
But not while I am in this pose
Not when I need to see
Not when I need to be
Worried about hitting my head
Gluing the wheel back on the bed.

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The Fly, the Trap and Me

Posted on July 1, 2014 by joegergen

flyThe fly got the best of me. I hate to admit that. I mean, it’s just a fly. Small creature with a brief life. No excessive cunning or evil plan does it have. Just flying and buzzing. And flying and buzzing. AND FLYING AND BUZZING.

Stop it! Please. Or I will have to result to violence. I’m a passive person by nature so I decidedly don’t like doing that. Don’t make me go there. I’ll feel horrible if I have to go there.

I’ve tried chasing you out the window. I’ve tried chasing you out the door. But, nooooo. You don’t want to go outside into the fresh air and world of ample food. It’s nice out. Go out and play. It’s not even air conditioned in here. It’s hot and muggy.

Granted, the hot and muggy conditions may have contributed to my hasty decision to forego passivism. And the buzzing and erratic flying. Why are you so angry? What do you want?  Your angry attitude isn’t helping. Are you hungry? Do you need me to put some food out?

You do not want me to put food out for you to land on. That will not end well.  Because if you stop for a second I will be so tempted to bring down the hammer.

This buzzing by the sink while I’m trying to do dishes isn’t working. The dish water is hot. I’m sweating even more. Stay away from my fricking head. There’s no food on my head. Or my ears. Or my elbow.

You landed. You shouldn’t have done that. Right in front of me. That’s it. The hand of doom is coming.

Direct hit. You are so done. Aw shit. Was that glass shattering? Damn. Glass shards everywhere. On the counter. In the full sink. Oh, I liked that glass.

OK fly. Where are you? No way you survived that. Well here we are. Either you’re stunned or dead. Doesn’t matter.  Outside you go. You can either find food or become food. That’s on your shoulders now.

Now back to those glass shards.

 

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Deconstructing Platitudes: Finding Something Useful in Inspirational Quotes

Posted on June 26, 2014 by joegergen

headPlatitudes and inspirational quotes crowd the Interweb in forms of memes, postings or life hacks. While all posted with good intention, from a usability perspective I’v always thought they were pretty useless.

I thought I would go off on just one I saw recently.

“Everything You’re Running Away from is in Your Head”

Here we go. Well, thanks. Yes, everything is in my head…

Wait. Stop. I can’t do this. Even for a few laughs I can’t bring myself to tear into this. I can’t let myself bathe in negativity. That’s too easy. Like I say, it’s so easy to hate. Why not try to be helpful instead? There is some truth is the quote, right?

Let’s instead try a dummies guide to finding value in this quote. Here’s 6 steps:

  1. Does this even apply to you? Everyone has problems, but not everyone‘s problem is running form them. If you’re got problems and you’re dealing with them best you can, even if poorly, this isn’t for you. If you feel you are running or maybe even hiding from your problems, you should go to the next step. (If you are actually running from something dangerous, stop reading now and find shelter or go to the authorities)
  2. What are you running from? This is the heart of the matter. Do you know what you are running from? If you know what you are running from, move on to step 4. If you don’t know what you are running from, you need to get down to the root cause in the next step.
  3. The heart of the matter. This is harder than it seems. You’re going to have to dig past the symptoms and the fears. You have to play the Why game.  I’m running from my family. Why? They don’t like my social views. Why? And so on. If this is hard and you’re stuck, might be time for some therapy, whether it’s a friend or a professional. This is the “it’s in your head part.” You may need to have some help you find it. You see you have to get it out of your head and make it real so you can strip away the fears surrounding it, the fears you’re running from.
  4. Make a commitment to stop running. Even if it will take time, you have to have desire.  Cheap talk will do you no good.
  5. Make a plan. I have no idea what that will be because God knows what you are running from. Sometimes the answer is to just walk away. Which sounds like running, but it really means to disengage from the problem.  You’ll have to exercise choice and that can be hard. But sometimes you need a real plan. Like if it’s money problems. You’re going to have to research options. None of which will probably be great in the short term.
  6. Recommit to the plan when you falter. We don’t like to falter but we do. If the problem keeps trying to hide in your mind, you have to keep pulling it out.

There. Now this quote is useful. Granted it will take some work if you want it to have meaning, but it is a start.

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Musings on Chocolate Therapy

Posted on June 24, 2014 by joegergen

choco1aSometimes chocolate is just good
And Sometimes it is therapy
You have to know the difference
You have to see the significances
Hidden in the craven desires
Catapulting you to consume
The nearest chocolate confection

No time for reflection in the moment
You can’t ponder your need
While glowing in your
Dopaminic opium den

But the glow is sweeting
And oh so fleeting
Cannot hold back the need from repeating
Is the need from your addiction?
Oh do not trifle with these addictions
Trifle only with the things the chocolate
Cannot fix

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Lighter Musings on a Dangerous Day

Posted on June 24, 2014 by joegergen

ladder1Do not Climb Backside
That’s what the ladder said
Fair warning, I suppose
Though even with the longest toes
I could not have reached the first rung.

Everything has a warning now days
Dangerous things like chain saws
Or innocuous things like boxes.

Soon our smart phones will warn us
In the morning that getting out of bed
May place us in harm’s way.

Based on our overly scheduled lives our
Phones will deliver a laundry list of things
That may pose danger during the day.

Our phones will beep and blurp at us
Blaring as impending dangers arise.
As I approach the mail box: “Warning
The mail box may contain spiders or rats or
Poisonous materials. Open with caution. In fact
It would be best if you were wearing gloves to
Fetch your mail.”

“Yogurt contains active bacteria cultures. If
Poorly refrigerated during handling
Cultures may have run rampant. Use caution
When opening your yogurt. In fact you should
Use the built in sensor on your phone to detect
Unsanctioned bacteria. A red flash will indicate
You should not eat the yogurt. In fact, maybe
You shouldn’t eat yogurt at all. Please be careful.”

Warning: Your shoe may come untied.
Warning: Cracks in sidewalks can be hazardous.
Warning: Vapors from sewers may contain noxious gases.

Warning, warning, warning. Life is dangerous.
Thanks Smartphone for keeping me safe.

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Searching for Awareness in My Lack of Knowledge

Posted on June 23, 2014 by joegergen

editor1I have an English Degree. I was the editor and assistant editor at my university newspaper. I have taken several graduate level courses in editing.

And years later, I am still a horrible editor. My pedigree would indicate I be a good or at least competent editor. I am not. I can’t spell. My grammar is shoddy at best. I struggle with basic conjugations. I’m often oblivious to changes in tense. My punctuation knowledge is flawed. And though I pride myself on knowing how to use a colon and semi-colon, I just tend to avoid constructions I can’t figure out.

And yet if I gave you my resume you might have reason to believe I could edit. You would be deceived.

Sure there are plenty of things I learned in school that I don’t recall, but I don’t expect to remember subjects I don’t work in. You just don’t retain information if you never use it. But I write and read a lot. You think some of that editing knowledge would have stuck. It did not.

The real problem is I think all this editing knowledge and exposure never really sunk in the first time. I went through the motions but just didn’t get it. I could see but was not aware. Now I wonder how much of my education and skills are in the same boat? How much do I think that I know that I do not? Oh please do not answer that.

So you think I might be jaded about education. I’m not. Education is important. You might think I’d decide to stop pursuing this knowledge thing knowing I don’t retain it. I have not stopped even though I know the more that I know the more I know I don’t know. Knowledge is a vicious fleeting thing.

So maybe it’s not really knowledge I’m pursuing. Because if I was it would be depressing to watch the knowledge slip so easily out of my hands. I won’t let it be that.

No. It’s not about knowledge. It’s about awareness. At least that’s what I am going to tell myself. What good is all sorts of knowledge if one is not aware? Knowledge is good for courts of law, where technicalities and logic reign. But life isn’t a court of law, is it?

Life is how you perceive it. And to perceive it you must be aware. So my goal for today is to take time to notice something. Perhaps it is like stopping and smelling the roses. Except you don’t stop to smell roses but something you hadn’t thought to smell before.

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My Brain Needs a Massage

Posted on June 21, 2014 by joegergen

dandy1Pressure points on my neck
My neck is very tight
Pressure points on my back
My back is very tight
Stretch the shoulder
Prod the quad
You’re a wreck
Could take all night
The muscles groan
Then give in
I breathe deep again

Pressure in my head
My brain is very tight
Pressure in my eyes
My brain is very tight
No muscles to massage
No sinews to stretch
Decrease the noise
Dim the light
My neurons slow down
Then give in
I breathe deep again

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My Aim is True, Well, Not Really

Posted on June 20, 2014 by joegergen

hammer1b“Is that a bruise on your palm?”

“Yes.”

“How did you do that?”

“I smashed it with a hammer.”

Silence.

“I’m a very bad aim.”

And indeed I am a very bad aim. But I try to look at it in a positive light: It’s very difficult, though not impossible, to aim so bad you hit yourself in the head. I take some comfort in that. That’s assuming I’m not aiming at my own head, which I would never do, since I still have some self-preservation brain cells still in my head.

I don’t know why I’m such a bad aim. My vision is good enough. I have some hand-eye coordination: I can free hand draw a straight line and a nice circle; I can make a straight cut with a circular saw; I can catch almost anything.

Yet I cannot aim. At first, this does not seem serious. But it is. Aiming is everywhere.

Like aiming a car. Think of the pressure to stay within the lines. To get into that parking spot. Yikes.

Speaking of staying inside the lines. What about coloring? Not that I do much of that now days. And I’m not talking about coloring outside the lines because you’re a rebel. I’m talking about coloring outside the lines because you can’t stay in them.

Using a knife. Now that’s iffy. Trying to hit those little bugger vegetables is a bitch. And try cutting up a steak. How many totally random pieces can you end up with? Obviously quite a few. Becoming a knife-throwing side act is out of the question.

Think of all the activities I suck at where my efforts are just short of chaos: darts, bowling, bean bag toss.  How frustrating for my teammates. They see periods of semi-accurate efforts followed by total chaos.  Oh yes, I’m picked last. But don’t worry. I understand.

I suppose one can and perhaps should work on these skills. Perhaps not to excel but at least be competent or at worst not dangerous to oneself or others.

Yes, I should work on these weaknesses. But I have this awful habit of improving my strengths and totally disregarding and ignoring my weaknesses. Makes for rather lopsided capabilities, that’s for sure. Perhaps the first step is to aim in on not ignoring my weaknesses.

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Musings on Recessed Lighting Fail

Posted on June 19, 2014 by joegergen

light2Looming above, dark, huge
A Perfectly square disaster
The reamed out remains of the
Recessed lighting failure.
Once proudly covered by
Opaque white glass
That concealed the light source
So persuasively the meager shadows
Hid their shamed faces in their own
Darkness.

I wrested the opacity off the ceiling
To free the light, to free the room
To free my mind of the opaque
Defenses I have built up around it.
Barriers no longer needed that keep
As much inside as they keep out.
No more tattered and disintegrating
Insulation to despoil my debilitated lungs,
burn my weary eyes and cloud my
Lightness.

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