Bad Vibes and Revisionist History of Your Self

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I heard a song from my youth on the radio the other day. I cringed. It was painful to listen to. Then I remembered I hated that song even when it came out. And yep, I still hate it.

Hate is a strong word so I know I should be careful throwing it around. I’m not sure if revile is better but we’ll go with that for now. This is not an attempt to judge the song (which is why I don’t name it). Just to point out that I still don’t like it. As opposed to songs or other art that I didn’t get when I was younger but get now.

A related but different behavior is when people look back at music or other art and say “I can’t believe I liked that. That is such crap. I’m embarrassed to have had such bad taste.”

That attitude just bugs the crap out of me. Why are people in such a hurry to disavow their past? Unless you have done some really bad stuff, you shouldn’t do it.

It’s like revisionist history. Judging the behavior of a certain time with knowledge or experience in hand that wasn’t available at that time. I mean, I guess it’s good that you can look back and see that you’ve gained knowledge and experience and maturity. We should certainly all strive to grow.

But for too many it’s a negative retrospective. That music was so bad. Those movies sucked. I sucked.

Why all the negative vibes, man? Did you enjoy that music at the time? Did you connect with those movies? I bet you did. Could you watch a movie aimed at young teens now and really connect? Probably not and so what.

Check your fragile ego at the door, please. Are you afraid your current friends will snub their noses at you if they find out you liked 90210? “I can’t believe you liked that.” Of course you liked it, you were fourteen.

That’s like being ashamed because you liked Barney when you were five. Shut up! We all get that you grew up. No one cares.

I was typing so hard I forgot the point I was trying to make. Oh, got it. Don’t be so hard on your current, future and especially past self. It’s no more healthy to belittle your past self than it is to belittle someone else. Show yourself some love. It’s OK. You can do it.

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Take Back Control of Your Life with Knowledge

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Do you understand why you do what you do? Do you understand what contributes to your happiness? Do you understand the psychology and science behind your behaviors?

You should.

First, you should because there are a countless forces in the world that do. They understand it really well. They use it to control you. Marketers, politicians, bankers, governments. They use the psychology and science of behavior on you and against you every day.

Second, you should because it’s so easy to enslave yourself with your own behaviors and not be able to break free because you don’t understand how these things work.

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Behaviorism is like the Force. It surrounds us. It permeates us. It shapes our world, your world. To not understand it is to be a slave to it.

The good thing is that you can understand it. You can understand it well enough to control your own behavior and well enough to know when others are using it against you. Understanding will allow you to make more informed rational and emotional decisions.

Here are some ideas to begin understanding behavior. The goal here is to take back control. Understanding how control is wrested from you by yourself and others is the first step. I’m not an expert on behavioral science so I’ll throw out resources that seem to be. You can be your own judge on what they mean.

The Science

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Naturally occurring chemicals play a huge role in how and why we behave the way we do. I’m going to paraphrase from Simon Sinek’s presentation on leadership called “Why Leaders Eat Last” (you should watch it right now: http://99u.com/videos/20272/simon-sinek-why-leaders-eat-last ). He has a book of the same name worth reading.

I’ll share other resources as well to help you dig deeper.

Dopamine

Dopamine is part of our body’s reward system that is geared to help us survive. Dopamine feels good. We’re given hits of dopamine to help us remember and crave behaviors that will help us survive. It is heavily involved in habit formation, both good and bad habits. It’s cited as a key to understanding many addictions.

Things get out of whack when we confuse the dopamine hit with a sense of fulfillment. The feelings from dopamine are much more fleeting than the feelings of fulfillment.

Alcohol, cell phones, video games. They all provide dopamine and the danger of addiction.

Here is a wonderful place to start learning more. There is a lot here to see. Don’t panic. Take it slow.

http://dopamineproject.org/2013/05/welcome-to-the-dopamine-project/

Here’s a more straight forward article on dopamine and diet:

http://nutritionwonderland.com/2009/07/understanding-our-bodies-dopamine-rewards/

Serotonin

Serotonin is part of our body’s survival system that gives us feelings of pride and status and is designed to build relationships, because building relationships help us survive as a community. Serotonin feels good. When we give recognition for achievements, the achiever gets serotonin and so do those close to them. Builds bonds. Builds confidence.

Unfortunately, serotonin can be tricked. You can trick it by buying status symbols. Designer this and designer that. You feel good when you buy it or drive it but there is no relationship building that occurs. So it’s empty.

Retail therapy is an easy way to game serotonin. It too is empty and unfulfilling.

Another article on serotonin and nutrition:

http://nutritionwonderland.com/2009/06/understanding-bodies-serotonin-connection-between-food-and-mood/

Here’s a more general article on the body’s happiness chemicals:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201211/the-neurochemicals-happiness

The Psychology

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Totally a subset of the dopamine and serotonin thread. Understand how habits work. Don’t be a slave to habit. Understand how it works for good and for bad. This is easy to say and harder to do, but understanding why is a good step. Arm yourself with knowledge.

Here is an excellent book on understanding habit. “The Power of Habit” explains the science. It’s a good place to start. There are then many other good sources on changing habits.

http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/

Knowledge is the key. Unlock the handcuffs. Be free.

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One Does Not Simply Walk into the Polar Vortex

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Brrr! My Santa Claus coffee mug stares at me across my desk: a cold, lifeless stare out of corner of his eye. I fear his stare is doing more than just draping icicles off my heart. I fear he is actually controlling the weather.

His stare is the North Pole’s version of the Eye of Sauron. It is the Eye of Santa and instead of spreading darkness over the land he spreads holiday cold. He is a talisman of the never ending winter and he must be stopped.

But one does not simply walk into the Polar Vortex. One does not simply banish winter with wishes. I must carry the mug to some place warm and destroy it. I must carry him into the sauna.

We will sit across from each other and we will sweat. Then we will sweat some more. We will sweat until one of us breaks.

But he has evil, cold spies everywhere. That will stop at nothing to save the Eye of Santa from destruction.

The subzero freezing of the car. The blistering wind chill on my face. The compacted snow and ice rink like roads. The darkness.

These all must be braved. I need a fellowship to win this battle. A shot of rum. A fur hat. Oversized mittens. Wool long underwear.

I may not make it back. If I fail you must prepare for the never ending winter to go on. You must keep fighting.

But whatever you do, do not go to Moria. You know what they dug up down in the deep. However warm it may be, it is an evil you don’t want to invoke: Global Warming. Be warned. Be safe.

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Stuck in Waiting Room Hell

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No one wants to be sitting in an Urgent Care waiting room. You wouldn’t choose to be there unless you or someone you know is having health issues. Yes, I am sure there are people who enjoy this, and that’s OK.

I’m pretty good at waiting patiently, even though I hate being anywhere near medical facilities.  When you are at Urgent Care or the Emergency Room, you better be good at waiting. It may not be the first place I would go if I was dying.

So I was in Urgent Care waiting room yesterday (not for me and everything turned out). Waiting. Patient. Understanding of the situation. It was good as can be expected.

Except that they had a TV with the sound on. The sound was very present. Very difficult to ignore. The noise level was not the except. The programming was.

I don’t watch a lot of TV. I know there is good TV and there is bad TV. This was bad TV. Perhaps the worst.

I think it was a show called TMZ. Some entertainment gossip rag. Mindless drivel about mindless drivel.

First I got to hear about Justin Bieber’s problems. People called in about Justin Bieber’s problems. Then they spent the next half hour talking about some reality show called “Preachers’ Daughters Gone Wild” or something like that. Another serious discussion about the show and more viewer call ins. I was pretty sure I was going to need urgent care after that.

I am stupider for having endured that. I can tell because I used the word stupider with no shame. Yet, this is not a waiting room anomaly. I was in Urgent Care waiting room last summer. A TV in the waiting room blared out a Spanish language soap opera for all to hear.

The agony. At least let me wait in peace. Waiting in urgent care is stressful enough. I don’t need weapons of mass entertainment bombarding me as well.

Unless this is some genius plan to distract me from my own worries. I am not one of the preachers’ daughters. I am not Justin Bieber having to endure his jail-time footage played over and over by TMZ. I am not involved in a twisted, evil, life-sucking drama from a Mexican soap opera.

So life can’t be that bad. I’m just waiting.

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Changing the Furnace Filter of My Mind

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If filters are working right, they get dirty. I swapped out the furnace filters in the house today. They were dirty. So that was good.

In life filters can be good and they can be bad. Filtering certain shows from your young children is good. Filtering Internet access for an entire country is bad.

I suppose our minds have filters. We filter things coming in and things going out. Some are conscious and some are subconscious. Filters slowly put in place over time. From childhood, from school, from work, from society, from politics.

Don’t swear in front of children. Don’t be persuaded by communist ideals. Don’t go swimming right after you eat. You get the idea.

Filters are about don’ts. Don’t let this in. Don’t let that out. They are intended as protective measure I suppose.

But just like my furnace filter they start to collect lots of stuff. Unlike my furnace filter the filter in my mind continues to become denser as I add more and more to it as I learn about the world and myself. The filter becomes finer and finer. I am filtering more and more and the interaction between the different filters becomes more complex and actually starts filtering things I am not even aware of or ever intended. As if instead of replacing the furnace filter, I just put another over the top. Pretty soon almost no air is getting through. My filters are starving me of new ideas and knowledge.

I know my mind filter now contains ideas that are really no longer necessary and many that I no longer even find to be true. It’s so dense it’s casting a shadow on my mind. I don’t like that. I need air. Someone open a window. My filter has become a problem.

It’s time to replace my mind filter, let the light back in. It’s time to question the filters in place. If they don’t fit with who I think I am today, the filter needs to go. This is why great thinkers tell us to question everything. And to keep doing it. The questioning should not ever stop. Questions get rid of old filters and add new.

So as the barbarians at Capital One might ask, what’s in your filter?

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Joining the Sirens between Shadow and Light

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In the Spotlight. Fame. The center of attention. Many people crave this. Society certainly loves to put people there. Often rewarded with fortune.

In the shadows. Wallflower. Out of sight, out of mind. Many people crave this as well. To be left alone by society. Society is intrigued by those who choose to live in the shadows. It’s often mysterious. Sometimes sinister.

In the spot light. In the shadows. Extremes. We are so often drawn to extremes. Art is filled with it. Politics is filled with it. It’s dramatic. And the world is certainly filled with people in the spotlight who don’t wish to be and those in the shadows who crave the light. Even more dramatic.

The extremes are safe as well. Surrounded by the like-minded where the brightness blinds us to our subtle differences or the darkness obscures them. We have the comfort of brotherhood.

What about those of us who don’t want extremes? What about those of us who don’t want the glaring spotlight and yet don’t want to live in dark obscurity? That awful middle ground where complexity is appreciated not hidden.

We want you to see the complexity that we are without having to know who we are. Who we are is not important. We want recognition not celebrity. We crave the lost art of subtlety, of real understanding.

We choose to walk out of the shadow but not into the spotlight. We confuse people when we do this. They want a confrontation between the dark and the light. Gandalf vs. the Balrog.

But we don’t want a confrontation. We want you to know we were there and then be gone. Perhaps it is subterfuge we crave. To upset the apple cart and disappear. To show you things you haven’t seen.

Maybe there is no real middle ground. No safe haven between the extremes. We can only streak across the valley and people will notice our comet-like passage but we must end up on one side or the other.

Perhaps it is subversion we crave. To streak back and forth and create confusion and questioning among those stuck in the dark or the light. We wish to be both the siren call and the proof that you can survive the journey.

Can you here us calling?

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A Tangled Thirst for Knowledge

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I’ve always had a thirst for knowledge. Not factual type knowledge. More of that knowing kind of knowledge. Kind of that philosophy knowledge but not so deep and esoteric, maybe more practical.

That understanding of the human condition. Perhaps my thirst has been less about acquiring knowledge and more about the ability to apply it once acquired. To have it be helpful. The tricky part appears to swirl around being observant enough to know you should apply it.

I’ve always wanted to be much more observant. That Sherlock Holmes kind of observant. But I’m not. No amount of deductive ability will save bad observations. Maybe it’s because I’m not all that actively curious. I’ve always wanted to be more curious too. I have failed to be curiouser and curiouser.

I’ve always had to be curious and observant after the fact. Relying on my I am sure faulty memory to piece together observations and conclusions. More reflective than observant and curious, I fear.

I am actually highly sensitive to the world around me. I know, that would seem to be in conflict with lack of observational skills. But I think they can coexist. You see, what I think is happening is that I take in all this data and if I take the data in for too long my brain does one of two things: it becomes overwhelmed and essentially shuts down or it focuses in on something more myopic and shuts other input off. Granted, whatever is focused in on can yield rich amounts of data. It’s just so limited.

This is where memory comes into play in hopes of turning the aforementioned reflection into effective delayed observation and curiosity.

In order for it to work I need to be able to do two things. I need to train my brain to have much better recall and need to train my brain not to shut down when it feels overwhelmed so all the data keeps flowing in.

Perhaps something akin to Sherlock’s mind palace. In order to do that I need the data to flow in. It can’t be reflexively choked down. I’m afraid if I allow all the data to flow in without shutting down, I’d have to stop other processes. Not like bodily functions but maybe like communication or interaction. But then I’d be just like a video camera. That wouldn’t be all that enjoyable.

Hmm. I guess I could just carry a video camera with me and record things. Ah, but there is so much more to stimuli than visual cues. Smells and noises and vibes. Subtle things.

I need to go back to the drawing board. But I think I’m onto something here. Curiouser and curiouser. What was the question again?

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Methane Wars: Trying to Sell Complexity

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Short and sweet. That’s what I’d like to say about a book I finished last year, “Methane Wars” A Fable.”

But what it really turns out to be is short and dense with ideas. Makes it difficult to both describe it quickly and pitch it accurately.

I’ve tried to give it quick labels: satire, dystopian or social commentary. Except when I do that people disagree with me. I don’t mind the disagreement but they don’t offer an alternative. So it doesn’t really get me anywhere but perhaps like me they struggle to categorize it so I don’t hold it against them.

Not that I regret writing the story and despite its denseness it’s in all actuality a fast-tumbling, snow-balling fun read. Of course you can’t know that unless I can entice you in.

Perhaps I should have known it would be difficult to pitch complexity. I just need to look around at the entertainment world. What do I see? Let’s think.

I think I see formulas. Perhaps complicated formulas but formulas nonetheless. You know that if you put these pieces together you should get a certain result. Complicated but predictable if the pieces perform as advertised. This isn’t necessarily bad. The creator can be somewhat confident their efforts will deliver a certain product and the audience finds comfort in the familiar.

What I see less of is complexity. But before I go on here is what Robert Poli (Research Professor at the University of Trento, Italy)  had to say about the difference between complicated and complexity. It’s a little academic but makes the point far better than I could:

  • Complicated problems originate from causes that can be individually distinguished; they can be addressed piece-by-piece; for each input to the system there is a proportionate output; the relevant systems can be controlled and the problems they present admit permanent solutions.
  • On the other hand, complex problems and systems result from networks of multiple interacting causes that cannot be individually distinguished; must be addressed as entire systems, that is they cannot be addressed in a piecemeal way; they are such that small inputs may result in disproportionate effects; the problems they present cannot be solved once and for ever, but require to be systematically managed and typically any intervention merges into new problems as a result of the interventions dealing with them; and the relevant systems cannot be controlled – the best one can do is to influence them, learn to “dance with them”, as Donella Meadows aptly said.

The distinction here between complicated and complex might seem a bit metaphysical and lacking application, but if you pause for a moment we realize it can be quite instructive. For me it brought home the realization that we have to stop trying to understand and solve complex problems with tools and techniques designed for complicated problems.

Back to the book and its complexity. Because I didn’t use a formula but instead took dynamic pieces and started to put them together and let them influence each other I ended up with an organic product that at times even I couldn’t predict what would come next.

Now, I don’t know if that is true complexity since once the story is down on paper it remains static, but it’s my best shot at describing it. And while at the end of the day I might like if people viewed my book through a different lens, I don’t think that’s something I can really ask or expect. You’ll read it the way you read it. And that will be that.

Many other books certainly fall into this category, I am sure, and other art as well. Maybe it should be a type unto itself. Who knows.

At the end of the day, I suppose, this is all just introspective drivel, since the book will be liked or not liked regardless of its complexity. Like so many things in life that we like or don’t like. Sometimes we understand why and sometimes we don’t and the details of its manufacture are not important. And I think that’s OK.

If you’re interested in the book click here:

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Hunger is not Wisdom

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I like leftovers. They’re convenient. Just heat them up (sometimes) and you are good to go.

Refrigerators are unfortunately the last place you should store leftovers. Refrigerators are the black holes of storage options.

You’d have to carbon date most left overs to know how really old they are.

I get hungry. I often let myself get too hungry. Then I’m really hungry. And when you’re really hungry convenient leftovers are the best.

Except when they’re not the best. Except for when they have turned. Nothing more sad than good leftovers gone bad.

I pulled some leftovers out of the fridge today. I was hungry. Really hungry.  I gave them the smell test but they were cold and didn’t have much aroma. I proceeded and microwaved them.

They came out of the microwave. Did I mention I was hungry? I did not give them the smell test. I just started eating. Not the calm, patient savor it kind of eating. No, it was the mindless wolfing hunger kind of eating.

Then with a few bites left I stopped and looked at the plate and thought,  “This has turned, hasn’t it?”

I smelled what was left. Upon more detailed sniffing, the turning was confirmed. Blech.

So I sat there and thought, now what? You can’t undo it. (No, I won’t be making myself barf.) Is there anything to take? Maybe thin it out with a bunch of water? Maybe some vodka to kill the germs?

Or just wait and hope your body is stronger than the microbes coursing through your stomach right now.

Well, we shall see. I hear some gurgling down there right now. Bodily communications aren’t always very subtle. Right now I think the message is: You’re an idiot.

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Looking for a Change of Winds

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It was windy last night. I can tell by the pile of drifted snow on the back steps. Fascinating how the wind decides to pile up snow where it does. Probably some physics and vectors behind it all. Though even then the steps are an odd place for it to congregate.

I suppose you never know. Like life, I suppose. Never know what the winds of change will drop at your door step.

In this case the winds of winter dropped several feet at my door. I pretty much tumbled off the steps since I could find the actual steps. Refreshing actually. No harm was done. I just had to let myself go. Trust that there was plenty of snow to cushion my fall.

I need to treat life like that. When the winds of change pile an obstacle in front of me I need to just tumble over the top and look for a safe landing. I guess that’s what they call taking a risk. You have to jump over but you don’t know what’s on the other side.

It takes trust. Not trust that you’ll land on the fluffy snow. Not trust that your landing will even be soft. But trust that you’ll be able to take care of yourself when you land. Trust in yourself.

Maybe we shouldn’t tell people they should take more risks. Risks sound dangerous and fear of risks sounds like weakness. We’re trying to motivate someone by telling them not to be afraid of the unknown. What does that even mean? It’s pretty abstract concept to grasp. And even if you can grasp it how would you apply it?

Instead of telling people to take risks and not be afraid of the unknown, we need to tell them to trust in themselves. To trust in the skills and experiences they have that will help them navigate new territory. Highlight the strengths and capabilities in them ready to be harnessed and applied.  Teach them to believe in themselves.

So many of us, though, don’t believe in ourselves. Low self-worth or low self-esteem. Hampering our ability to stand up to a risk. Keeping us from the rewards that come from risks.

So if you want a change of winds, look to your self-worth. I will end with some advice even Polonius would be proud of.

To thine own self trust and be true; leave fear-mongering to the fearful.

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There are many good resources out on the web to improve self-esteem and self-worth.  Look you to it.

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